Lunch without Lil' Bit

Utah. Land of rocky mountains, Mormons, and buffalo meat. Three hours ago I left Lil' Bit at "Snow Care" for the day so I could have a lil' vacation on our ski vacation. I imagined myself walking out of the beautiful ski resort child center with a sense of exhilaration at the prospect of having an entire day to myself. Instead I felt a little lost.

It is her first time in any sort of daycare type setting, and I left her with a kiss and a hug. I didn't want to make a big deal about leaving, but I didn't think it is right to sneak out either. I told her "I love you. Mama has to go." I just couldn't say the word goodbye. She was wrapped up in playing with a semi-truck and a yellow plastic house while trying to fend off another baby from taking what had quickly become "her toys." She was so distracted I don't think what I said registered on her pint sized radar. I stood up, gave her one last look and left.

I returned to the condo and ate three pieces of delicious cold pineapple and jalapeno pizza. A sick combination of pregnancy craving and stress eating. I wonder what Lil' Bit is having for lunch today. It is a strange feeling, leaving your child with total strangers for the first time. Granted they are childcare professional strangers, but strangers none the less. I have left her for the weekend with her dad, and it felt wonderful. But this, it is a vacuous emotion.

Sleep has thus evaded me this afternoon to myself. I feel the need for distraction more than rest. So, thank you for being here to let me share.